


In Between

by goldfwish



Series: Drarryland 2019 [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Letters, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 02:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfwish/pseuds/goldfwish
Summary: Dear Harry,What does it cost, telling a truth? Not a partial truth, not most of a truth. But the whole truth, the entire truth, the one dipped in pristine white, sacred and hard to look at. What does it cost? Blood? Perhaps. Sweat? Sometimes. Tears? Almost always.





	In Between

**Author's Note:**

> "In case you believed me when we got drunk in Bruges: I lied. I do love you, I always did." Choose either 1) **‘For your eyes only’** -OR- 2) ‘This message will self destruct’ -OR- 3) Goodbye - Minimum: 268 words - Maximum: 658 words 
> 
> So fair warning, they weren’t in Bruges when they got drunk. But don’t worry, get drunk they did.  
> If there’s one thing ridiculously long road trips are good for, it’s spontaneous writing inspiration. Shoutout to Lake Tahoe!
> 
> And special shoutout to [Etalice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etalice) for the fantastic beta!

A truth. 

What does it cost, telling a truth? Not a partial truth, not most of a truth. But the whole truth, the entire truth, the one dipped in pristine white, sacred and hard to look at. What does it cost? Blood? Perhaps. Sweat? Sometimes. Tears? Almost always. 

What about its opposite, a lie? What does that cost? Nothing. At least, not right away. Payment is delayed, for a lie. A lie is a stroke of black paint, brushed against the soul. It demands nothing, blanketing its target further with each stroke, until numbness turns into heaviness, weighing painfully on the chest. 

To tell a lie, or to tell a truth. Those are my options. Black or white, never grey. For me, grey is forbidden. 

I’m good at following the rules, Harry. I have no choice but to follow them, not after what I’ve done. But on that night, that warm August night with its humid air, sweet and cloying, I broke them. I will never forget that night.

Drunken confessions are never good. They’re never truthful, never false. They stain everything they touch, a rusted spoon, an imperfection on shined silver. That night, I told you that I wanted to hide from you. That I hoped to never see you again. That looking at you was like being Crucio’d a thousand times over. 

I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t telling the truth. How was I supposed to make you understand that? How was I supposed to dip myself in white, supposed to display myself completely like I know you want me to, without the black paint muddying everything up? Grey is forbidden. It’s forbidden, Harry.

So Harry, I never want to make that mistake again. Never want to break the rules again. Because one broken rule will lead to another, and another, and you know how well that went last time. The truth is never supposed to happen, never meant to be found, dug up like an old fossil.

Love. 

Even more complex. Love is neither truth nor lie, neither life nor death, neither black nor white. And you see, greys aren’t allowed. So Harry, don’t you see? I could never have told you, because I was never allowed to. 

I’m sure you understand. You understand, right? After all, ambiguity never was your strong suit. Good guys and bad guys, that was our world. Red on one side, green on the other. Brilliant and vibrant when separate, muddy and disastrous when together. Brown is no better than grey, Harry. 

But tonight, in this letter, with this ink, I will break the rules one more time. For you, and you only.

I love you, Harry. And that’s the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated.  
> You can also find me on [tumblr](https://goldfwish.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
